High Fidelity

I know it's par for the course to hear almost daily about celebrity cheating scandals. It seems in Hollywood everyone's always sleeping with everyone else; getting married, getting divorced, traipsing around with someone else's partner. But still, the latest round of celebrity infidelity, with its ratcheted-up number of liaisons, has actually really been getting to me. Because I would like to believe that people can indeed be faithful to each other - and that they not only can, but want to.

However, at our New Moon party last week, as we were chatting about Tiger Woods and Sandra Bullock's husband Jesse James with disbelief and disgust, one of the women at the party said she'd read that 70% of married men cheat. SEVENTY PERCENT?!? Given that we had about 10 women there, all married - well, we were all doing the math. But is it true? I myself have read astonishingly high numbers about what percentage of spouses cheat on each other - I don't remember if the male number was in the 70% range, but I do know the female range was around 50%, and even that shocked me.

See, I can't even fathom it. To me, infidelity seems like the worst kind of betrayal. At least it's the one of which I'm most afraid - *not* because I think I have anything to fear on that account from my own husband. I don't know why it resonates so powerfully and emotionally with me - I certainly have occasional mild fears I'll be replaced with a younger, thinner model, but I don't think they are realistic concerns. I just can't imagine being with someone else when you're married. Such an absolute betrayal of the soul. And to be unfaithful and then not reveal it, to live a perpetual lie and a double (or triple or quadruple) life - how do they even do it? How can they live with themselves?

Oh Lord, this probably sounds very holier-than-thou. Let me just say that in college I was involved briefly with a man who was dating someone else, and I was also cheated on in a different, also brief, relationship. The pain of both experiences was intense, as were the feelings of shame. So, although none of the people were married, I have kind of been there (and never want to be again!). I know I am blessed with a good marriage and a husband whom I still really like, as well as love. Perhaps if I were in a miserable relationship I might understand it more - but perhaps not. Maybe I'm just a prude. But I'm O.K. with that.

I'm not even sure how to conclude this little tirade. I'm just so saddened for all of the broken marriages, broken relationships, and broken trust that affairs bring about. And really disgusted by the Tigers and Jesses of the world - those we know about, and those we never will.