I took the kids to Staunton yesterday, to Pufferbellies Toys, Cranberry's Grocery and Eatery, and to Gypsy Hill Park. I was trying to do something special with them since Jefferson is on Spring Break - and of course I wanted something to make the day go faster.
See, that's my constant struggle. I love my kids, but I don't always love the day-to-day minutiae. I'm a stay-at-home mom and can't imagine it any other way, but often crave time to myself to do my own projects, or just escape. I enjoy my children but don't always like playing with them. Sometimes it sets off a huge amount of guilt; other times I feel like my job is to be parent, not to be friend, and that includes not being a 24/7 Entertainment Center.
Still, often I wonder if I push them off too much. And if I wonder, I think I probably know the answer. When I get to wondering, I usually have to take a step back and realize that yes, I have been spending too much time on the computer; yes, I have been letting them zone out on screen time too much; yes, I have been too unwilling to do this, that, or the other with them. I find it hard to find the proper balance. I don't even know what the proper balance is. I often wish this parenting thing weren't so darn hard - that I could be absolutely O.K. with my parenting style, whether it was that of absolute dictator or lackadaisical hippie. I'm not.
But when I start obsessing about this, I remind myself of something my pediatrician told me once: "The parents who worry most about their parenting are usually those who don't need to." And the kids sure seemed to have fun yesterday. They even thanked me - without prompting.
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