Fall Down Seven Times, Get Up Eight

I love this saying. It's one I first heard in OA, and one that is applicable in so many areas of my life. What it reminds me is two things: 1) I will fall, and 2) I can get back up. Falling, a.k.a failing, is something that scares me. Well, frankly so does getting up, a.k.a. succeeding, a lot of the time. Regardless, this saying has become my mantra - I will fall, but when I do, just get back up. And not just once. Every time.

All this to say, yes, I have fallen. In the last six months or so, my gym attendance has dwindled down to mainly once a week, if that. My Big Four Red Light Foods (chocolate, Diet Soda, fast food, and doughnuts), which I had been successfully avoiding for quite some time, became, in the last month, My Big Four Favorite Foods. I have to admit that. I don't want to (isn't secrecy a hallmark of many addictions?). But it's true.

However, some small signs have been encouraging me to peel myself back up off the floor and try again. A friend said how she was doing it for health and to be an example for her kids, and I remembered that's what I'd told myself, too: eating well and moving often wasn't something I was trying to do to lose weight or look beautiful, it's what I want to do to be healthier. But honestly, my main motivation is my children. Especially my darling daughter, who is chubby and, well, "not prone to movement." I want to show them Big People can treat themselves well, too, and that includes moving often and eating healthy foods, no matter what size your body ends up being. When I asked my husband why he thought I'd been sick so often recently, he quickly replied, "Because you haven't been exercising." Is he right? I don't know. But he's noticed my butt has been parked in front of the computer more often than it's been circling the track. I don't want that!

I'd forgotten my purpose in my haze of chocolate and sloth. Or not really forgotten, just ignored. But while I was ignoring it, the insidious self-critical voices had gotten louder. And ooh, they are devious - they yell bad things at me, but my conscious mind doesn't always catch the full sentences - just half notes of "lazy", "fat," "obviously bad" that trickle in and out. I want to stop that recording. It sucks.

So today I'm getting up again. I am committed to avoiding the Big Four; I just can't handle them. I rejoined SparkPeople.com to try to record water and fruit/veggie intake, as well as my activity. I rejoined WalkerTracker.com, because the geek in me loves recording my daily steps online and seeing my progress. I'm committed to getting back to the gym. I want to come up with a reasonable, workable plan for getting back into it, but the ultimate goal is to be back there 4 days a week, and to do some aerobic and strength training exercises again.

Eat well. Move more. Time to get up.