Insecurity

I'm not used to conflict. I don't like it. I don't think I deal with it particularly well, although I've gotten better. And I'm usually one who wants to resolve things right away - fix them, so it doesn't feel icky any more.

Well, I'm in the middle of a brouhaha, and not sure what it will take to get out of it. I'm not sure how to get out of it, how I want to get out of it, or what should, could, or will come next. It's not a comfortable position for me. But maybe it's a learning one. Not everything is solvable within a day, or even a week. It's O.K. not to back down and deny my feelings and myself for the sake of harmony. I don't have to have all the answers right now. And it's O.K. to feel yucky.

What do you do when you know you will have to still be around people who have spoken ill of you, and illy to you? I want to take the higher road, be the better person, and be able to forgive, no matter the offense. But I'm not there yet. I'm not.

So I guess I am grateful for time today. Time to feel what I am feeling, time to think over what has happened, and time to create some space between me and the pain. I will figure out what the next right step seems to be and I will take it. But I don't have to take it today. And for some reason, that is a relief.