Is there ever an age at which we feel "grown-up"? It amuses me to realize that I am aging, but don't FEEL like I'm aging. I still feel like I'm in my early 20's. But I don't look it any longer, and apparently that is just going to get worse as the years go by.
How do you decide what you want to do with your life? Who you want to be? I have been making mental lists of the things I want to do, probably when the kids get a little older. But will I do them? (Or will I just keep wasting tremendous amounts of time on Facebook??) What motivates other people to really go after things they want? What is the balance between pursuing dreams and facing the reality of house payments and doctor visits and childrens' needs and your spouse's needs and the just day-to-day reality of life? I don't know.
These are some of the things I am interested in:
1. Photography - I'd like to take a real class or two, and work on taking photographs.
2. Genealogy - I'd love to research the family history more.
3. Drawing / Art - I used to be quite a good sketcher in my youth, but haven't really done any drawing in years
4. Piano - I took it from about age 6 to 12, and then quit. I'm learning a bit again through my son's lessons, but would like to get better.
5. Writing - I love to write. I don't do it nearly enough. I can't even seem to sustain a blog, so I wonder how I'll ever write anything else. But I would like to try my hand at writing a romance, writing chick lit, writing articles, writing a memoir. Maybe I'd be the only one who would enjoy it, but my husband keeps telling me that's O.K.!
6. Relearning science - it was never my forte, but I wasn't terrible, either. Now, however, I don't remember much of earth science or chemistry, which were subjects I actually LIKED.
7. Web design - back in the mid to late 90's, I had a huge Elvis web site, which I crafted from scratch with good old HTML. I'd like to venture back into web design again, but am intimidated by how advanced things have become. I guess that's what taking classes might be good for!
8. Jigsaw puzzles - O.K., so this is a silly small one, but I do like doing them, and never take the time to do so (plus with two kids and two cats, where would I assemble one that wouldn't immediately get destroyed and have pieces lost?)
9. German - the German language is one of my loves. I took it in high school, majored in it in college, lived in Germany twice, and certainly used it in grad school - but having no one with whom to speak it now, and no academic reason to read it, I am losing it. Same with...
10. Latin - I learned it in college and used it in grad school, and while I found it much harder than German, I'd like to "relearn" it.
11. Languages - Heck, while I'm at it, I'd like to learn Italian. And Spanish, considering how handy that would be around here.
12. Singing - I love to sing. I'm not saying I'm great and I have limited vocal range. But it would be fun to sing again in some capacity.
13. Traveling - sure, had I time and money, I'd want to go tons of places. But I would like to go to these places, at least (and I doubt I'll get to them all): Great Britain, Germany (especially a castle tour), Italy, Graceland, the Grand Canyon, Philadelphia, Greece, etc...
14. I'm sure there's a 14. And a 15. Etc. But what I'd REALLY like to do when I grow up is figure out how to beat whatever it is in me (brain chemicals / upbringing / whatever) that lets anxiety dominate my world view, and makes inherent lack of confidence my biggest challenge to accomplishing just about anything...