Sunday, July 31, 2011
Today, to honor 12 years together, we took the kids on a spur-of-the-moment trip to Charlottesville to show them where mom and dad got married. While the kids enjoyed the trip, it was of course less meaningful for them than it was for me.
Going back to UVa feels so poignant. It's where I met my husband. It's where we dated and hung out for 2 years. It's where I went through some of the worst self-doubt and anxiety in my life. It's where I had some of the best times of my life.
Seeing all the college students around brought back pangs for those times; wishing, even if briefly, to be back in those days of reading in the library and hanging out with friends and books at the local coffee shops. In some ways I was so much freer then, in spite of the academic stress. I just didn't know it.
Am I O.K. with my decision not to finish my PhD? Yes, I am. I truly believe I'm happier now than I would have been trying to finish something that I wasn't totally invested in anymore. I'm happy I chose my relationship with Brett and chose starting a family over academe.
But today, just for a little while, I wished I were back there. At the same time, I appreciated the wonder of being there today with my children. Our children. People who didn't exist 12 years ago today.
When I wonder what my life's work is, I guess that's the biggest part of it - my kids. Sure, I find parenting tough. I often think I don't handle it nearly as well as many other parents do, often think I could and should be such a better mom. But I love my kids. It was a joy to be able to show them where I met and fell in love with their daddy. Even if they didn't really give a fig, and just wanted to run around in the Rotunda. And that was O.K. with me.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Still, what gives? I don't know. I feel I lack focus here, but who says I need focus anyway?
Here is what I'm busy with and may soon blog about:
1. Genealogy - I've always WANTED to work on my family history, but now I've actually started to.
2. eBay & online selling - I've fallen in love with the idea of being able to do this again (I was an active seller for a few years before Ellie was born) - to earn a little extra money for the family without having to commit to a job outside the home (and outside our own schedule), while also using skills I actually really enjoy using - shopping! bargain hunting! photography! writing copy! using the computer! printing labels and mailing things! (Yes, I really do enjoy that...) I even created my own logo - whee haw!
3. Trying to figure out what else to do with life now that both of my kids are about to be in school full-time.
4. Spending time with said kids, encouraging them to be more active and in general trying to "play" more. I don't "play" well, but I'm working on it some.
5. Working out. Actually, I'm in a lull, far off my energetic pace of the spring. It will come back - it HAS to come back. But summers are always hard for me in terms of motivation - it's just too darn hot for me to want to sweat ON PURPOSE.
6. Traveling - AWESOME trip to Kansas and Iowa to see family this summer. Great trip to the New Jersey shore (excepting the first few days, in which I was seriously feverish). Makes me realize how much I miss family.
So that's it. My quest for blog focus and blog perseverance continues. Not that anybody besides me cares. Bwah ha ha.