Friday, October 19, 2012

And it wasn't even good.

Slippery slope. Yesterday I let myself eat Chinese food because a) I was really, really craving it, and b) I wanted to see if it affected me (because of the wheat and the MSG). I didn't notice anything major. Except today - today I've been super-cravy! And I haven't given a HOOT about avoiding gluten and dairy and all that stuff. I ate a bite of a cheeseburger at Costco. And tonight? Tonight I had such a strong craving for pizza as I was driving home from picking up a ladder from a friend that when I stopped at Sheetz for gas, I went in and bought 2 pieces. From Sheetz. I wanted it from Vito's - excellent pizza there - but bought it from Sheetz and ate it furtively because I knew I shouldn't be eating it at all. And guess what?

It wasn't even good. It wasn't good AT ALL.

Of course I finished eating it. Of course I'm wondering if I'm going to pay for it tonight with stomach issues.

But I have my answer regarding yesterday: SOMETHING triggered me. I don't know if it was the MSG and the wheat, or just the fact that I was like "What the heck" yesterday and continued that today... but it's not good! Not good!

True experimentation is coming up in a couple of months, when as a family we add eggs back in, then dairy, then eventually gluten. Of course B and E have been eating it here and there. And I manage to go about a week or a week and a half and then seem to cave and have something glutinous (last Friday it was chocolate and breadsticks). But THIS had cheese. And it wasn't good. And I feel bad. (Guilty bad, yes - but also just bad. I have a headache. I'm tired. So I'm thinking, yeah, maybe it's the wheat and dairy!)

I wish I could be a normal person with food. Even when I'm off this stuff I can find other junk. What would it be like to be normal with food? It's unlikely I'll ever know. But I guess it's still good to try to separate out what is psychological in terms of this food crap, and what is biological in terms of reactions to foods. Right?

And also - if I'm going to indulge in something, go for the good stuff. GET the Vito's pizza, not the Sheetz schlock. If I'm going to have chocolate, get a Milka bar, not a Hostess Ding Dong. Make it worth it.

Now if I could just figure out how to give up the potato chips and Hot Tamales. Geez.

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