Saturday, January 12, 2013

Writing... Just Not Here

So I've been quiet on the old blog again for a while. Not that that affects anyone beyond me particularly, since I don't have wide readership (understandable, considering how myopic my musings here usually are), but it's been bothering me that I haven't kept up here more.

However, this time at least one of the reasons I've written less here is because I've written more elsewhere. Yes, I actually completed my first draft of my chick-lit/romance novel. 68.000+ words. I did it. It is a complete book. Sure, it's a rough draft and needs editing and some additions, but even if I quit this world tomorrow, I would be able to cross one of my BIG goals off my bucket list.

And that feels like quite the major feat, because I have this, uh, habit of starting a project, or planning out a project, with great enthusiasm, and then never finishing it. I blame anxiety, which brings on paralysis, but I also use anxiety as an excuse, I guess, in that it provides a good reason for never finishing anything - and if I never finish anything, I don't have to deal with the success or failure of that thing. Ludicrous, I know. So to have pushed through and written this book - and to be SHARING said book with friends for feedback - is a huge step for me. Huge.

The next goal? Or series of goals? Leave the book alone until February 1st. I need some space. Then edit it. Then - gasp - figure out how/where to submit it for publication. Yes, I have vowed to do so by the end of the year, although I've since amended that to by the end of June. It's terrifying, but one of the benefits of having repeatedly told myself that I'm writing a story I like and it doesn't matter if anyone likes it (the first half of which at least I believe is true), and of having friends read it and declare it "good" is that maybe, just maybe I'll be able to deal O.K. with the rejection to come.

And what else? Keep writing. Write more books. FINISH writing more books. I find my head filled with ideas - they keep me up at night, when I need to be sleeping, and wake me up early in the morning, when I still need to be sleeping - and I've been writing them down, sketching out additional scenarios. I've been reading more historical background on Regency England, as even though I've read romance novels for years and much of it seems familiar, I know that's no substitute for good research.

So I have to keep pushing myself to do it. But I also have to find balance. One nice thing about my brain is when it latches on to an idea it latches ON. It becomes a full obsession, and I'm willing to work quite hard on said idea. Hence my expansive and somewhat well-known Elvis Presley website of the 1990's. But that nice thing is also a bad thing, especially now that I'm married and have a husband and kids and a house to attend to, as well as other responsibilities to friends and community. Because as much as I want to push them all aside and just focus on this, I can't.

Argh. The art of balance. If only I knew its secret. In the meantime, I'm blogging at 6:00 a.m. rather than sleeping, and daydreaming about my next story ideas. Things could be worse.

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