I have no energy today. This is not unusual as of late, and I am wondering once again what the origin is: lack of sleep? too much sugar? hormonal issues? depression? PCOS? prediabetes? lack of exercise? something else?
I'm sure all of those come into play. I certainly don't get enough sleep or enough quality sleep, at that. The curse of being a light-sleeper, but also of wanting to have a life beyond mommyhood and therefore staying up until 11:00 p.m. or so when I really should be in bed (and does it count as having a life if I'm just watching TV or playing on Facebook? Doubtful...). I know I eat too many sweets and am addicted to sugar and white flour. Sure, I've given up chocolate and fast food for Lent, but I'm finding other things to eat, of course, and I know it starts the blood sugar tango. Which, of course, is related to the prediabetes and possibly PCOS I've been told I possibly have. Don't know when I'll get something definite - but if it IS prediabetes/PCOS, can I overcome it? If prediabetes drives cravings which leads me to sugar, if fatigue is sometimes a symptom of those things, what do I do? Could it be depression? I do feel just really blah lately, unmotivated, but is it a chicken and egg thing? Do I feel those because I'm tired, or does feeling ehh make one tired? I'm also certainly not exercising enough - sickness has prevented that, fatigue has contributed to the "I just don't feel like it" mentality, and both of those have me moving less and feeling tired more, not good for a fat lady to begin with.
The thing is, I want a simple answer. Or maybe better said, a simple solution. I want to know what it is and fix it. Likely it's a combination of all of those things. But it's wearing me down, it's impacting my life, it's making me much less the mom I want to be, it's chipping away at my self-esteem (a battle already), I just feel useless... too tired to be who I want to be, too tired to care about changing. I'm SURE if I dropped 80 pounds I would feel better, but it just feels so impossible. When I had my heart health check, the nurse with whom I spoke said the first thing I need to do is work on the fatigue and getting enough rest, because if I don't I won't have the coping skills to work on the other things. So true! So TRUE! But if the other things exacerbate the fatigue, how can I fix THAT cycle? So I write today wondering if other 37 year old moms feel as tired as I do... is this common? How can I fix it? WHAT IS IT?
I guess I need to do what I can to: a) get to bed earlier, b) sleep more soundly, c) eat better so to keep blood sugar steady, and d) exercise even if I don't feel up to it, b/c the more regular it is the better I feel. But today all I am thinking is how much I want to go back to bed and ignore my life.