Sunday, May 17, 2009


Blah blah blah... I haven't updated this blog in a while, or my family one. I haven't cleaned my house, I haven't done any of the projects I want to do, I haven't sold things on eBay, I haven't done the budget, I haven't planned for this, that or the other thing... I feel beseiged by inertia. I'm still tired all the time, and the lack of energy leads to lack of production, which may in turn increase fatigue as I survey how much I "should" be doing.

How do the gogetters of the world get their energy? Their motivation? I have the same number of hours in my day as Thomas Jefferson and Albert Einstein did, as Oprah Winfrey and Barack Obama do. So what separates me from them? (Besides fame) Apparently, drive. I just don't feel driven to do much. Is it laziness? Is it depression? Does it stem from being self-centered? A combination of those? Perhaps.

I don't really realize how self-focused I am until I compare my blog, my thoughts, even my status updates on Facebook with those of other people. I am not fighting discrimination in South Africa, I am not walking in the Relay for Life, I am not even active in my church. But I'm darn good about whining about how I have no energy, no drive, just feel bleah...

Not sure what the point is here. Not really sure how or what to change. I do know I've fallen back into the avoidance trap - I don't want to think about the reality of my messy house, my toddler who's suddenly figured out she's a toddler and so is now throwing fits far too often, my son who's wrestling with some pretty big issues and doesn't even know it yet - I just want to hide my head from it all. And I do. Which I guess is what separates me from Jefferson, Einstein, Winfrey, and Obama.

1 comment:

  1. I am here to re-assure you. I started blgging a few mths ago and was so gung-go and eager and then I got, well, lazy. But I also got a bit panicky and worried when I wasn't blogging that I was letting my cyber friends down. Am I certifiably insane? Yes, most definitely.
    I think that I suffer from the same ailment as you - total inertia. But life is SO busy and sometimes something has to give...
    And let's face it, people who regularly update their facebook pages are lacking somehow... They probably yearn to have a life like we do: messy house, piles of laundry, endless lists of things to do. I mean how boring must it be to be in total control..?!