Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Fall Down 7(0) Times, Get Up 8(0).

Whoops. Since starting back to trying to watch my food intake 2 weeks ago, I had my first binge this evening. I am making cookies for a friend in L.A. who won a little FB competition I had. I was going to make pumpkin bread for a local winner (much harder to binge on unless I cut into the loaves), but decided on cookies for Kendra since she lives across the country. Only, duh, cookie dough is one of my major red light binge foods. 

I thought it might not be a problem because I'm coming down with a cold and wasn't feeling particularly hungry. O.K., next time the Queen of Denial needs to admit that's what she was doing - thinking in Denial. Because the minute I got some dough onto my fingers, I ate it. (And washed my hands, no worries for Kendra!) And then I scooped some dough onto the cookie sheets, and some dough into my fingers for me to eat. Dang. I think I ate at least 10 scoops. Maybe more. 

And boy is it hard to pull out of a binge once I enter that nosedive. I saw it for what it was. I knew I was bingeing. But just as quickly, I had the Guilt Devil and the Temptation Devil sitting on my shoulders yelling into my ears: "You blew it! But you've already had some, go ahead and have some more." And as I was trying to convince the Devils that part of the lesson this time around is learning how to get back up RIGHT AWAY after I fall, rather than floundering around in the muck and chocolate, well, their voices overrode mine for the next 3 or 4 scoops. 

And then... And then I stopped. I did stop. There are still mounds of cookie dough sitting on the cookie sheets on top of the stove, waiting to be placed into the oven, and I'm not eating them. Yes, I ate 10. But I STOPPED. I'm getting up. Guilt is still trying to drag me down into the muck, and boy, he's one strong Devil. But I'm stronger. Good-bye, guilt. You serve no purpose. Good-bye, temptation. You beat me for a few minutes, but I'm getting back on the horse. 

Fall down 7 times, get up 8. 


  1. You're making me feel guilty. I don't need cookies if that puts you in an uncomfortable situation - the knowledge of having estimated decently is enough.

  2. *lol*, I was hoping you wouldn't read it! The cookies are made and in their plastic container, and will be in the mail tomorrow. Once made, cookies hold little allure for me. Besides, it was a boundary-learning experience for me - right now, I cannot make cookies without eating them. Lesson learned.

  3. The more important lesson was that you got back up, RIGHT AWAY! You entered the battle, floundered a bit, but in the end you won. You could have gone on from cookies to chips and cheeseburgers and chocolate and whatever else tempts you. That would have been much worse than 10 scoops of cookie dough. So you came out on top this time, and I know you'll come out on top again. Next time you decide to enter the cookie dough battle I bet you'll eat fewer scoops and that too, will be a victory. You're on your way, Anne!!