Monday, October 11, 2010
Recently I decided to wean myself off of it. Why? I'm not 100% sure. I'm absolutely in favor of people who struggle with anxiety and depression seeking help, in whatever form they need it in - counseling, medications, whatever. Because living with anxiety and depression is no way to live. And I'm in no way ashamed to admit I struggle with those two things or to admit that I take meds for it.
Still, I've been wondering what I would be like without it. After all, I was on Serzone for a few years after Jefferson came along, but chose to go off when we wanted to get pregnant again. I didn't notice a huge difference. My mom said she did. So who knows? But I don't think the effect was as apparent as in the first few months of post-baby panic.
Today marks day 5 of being completely off it, after having weaned down to a half a dose for the past month or so. I haven't had any major withdrawal symptoms, as far as I know. I am cranky and irritable, but that's in part because I either have a cold or allergies right now. But I don't feel as if I'm any bitchier than I was when I was on it. I guess I should ask around. I do feel as though I've been too short-tempered with my kids, but, ahem, I've felt that way for months - so is that the lack of medication, or is that parenting?
Anyway, it's not that I'm not willing to take it. But I want to see if I can boost my own serotonin production through exercising. And in 2 weeks, once I think the Zoloft is mostly gone, I'm going to try 5-HTP, which supposedly helps create more serotonin (rather than just blocking the serotonin from being reabsorbed as quickly, as the SSRI's do), and see where it leads.
Am I nuts? Maybe. I just hope I have the perspective, or others around me do, to figure out if this is a good move, or a bad move. What I do know is that I don't have the high anxiety levels or immense feelings of worry/sadness/fear/hopelessness/anxiety that I had in the 6 months after my babies came along. That's something, right?
But seriously, am I nuts?