Sunday, December 19, 2010
Why? Two main reasons.
1. I've been trying to decide if blogging is a good idea. *I* love to write and somehow, narcissistically, crave an audience. But I'm wondering if it's fair to my family when I blog about them - even if they don't read it. My husband knows I have a blog (at least I think he does - I've mentioned it before), but I don't think he reads it. If he did, would he be upset over my discussions of our son? I don't know. So I'm pondering.
2. I've been failing. Food and healthwise, at least. I don't mean failing in that my actual health has deteriorated - although frankly it probably has, given my food intake for the last few weeks. I know this is NOT a diet blog, but yet I am silent because I had been doing so well and now have checked back into La La Binge Land. I'm embarrassed. I do keep saying I'm going to get back on track after Christmas - and I will. I have to. But these binges, the depth of this addiction - well, it's all-consuming, even as I consume all. It's frustrating. It's exhilarating. It's shaming. It's abandon. It's rebellion. It's sadness. It's ppllhhblblltt at you, even as it's f*cking me, too.
So I'm challenged - by WHY I need an audience, and whether or not it's good to pursue that, and by my fall into Food Frenzy again.
Enjoy the silence.